pretty girls and handsome boys

2007-07-18T11:31:00.000+08:00

I've shifted

2007-06-30T11:47:00.000+08:00

HELLO ppl!

LETS all visit clothes-peg.livejournal.com

There is lots of pretty tee! and i know all of u will love it. SO come visit clothes-peg and u will will be peg on!

2007-05-24T20:58:00.000+08:00

i wish to become a fairy

2007-05-19T16:04:00.000+08:00

Help me to decide.
Decide wat i should to.
It's so tiring..
Now i have to decide my future..
decide my life for the next 3 to 4 years.
Pls enlighten me
i'm procastinating.
i'm dying soon!
URGH!

2007-05-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

Do i sound as if i'm sad. haha. ANYbody understand what's going on? hmmm How can anyone become so ill? How can anyone take 1 day MC, 2 days MC, 2 weeks MC or even 1 month MC conservatively? If u are not feeling well, why not hospitalised? Or just take long break once and for all... Dont call evry morning and report how sick u are or tat u are having 1 or 2 day MC. I expect u to be well or maybe at least feeling better when u are back. But i guess u were too sick to even come and work. when u came back after 2 months break, i tot u were be better. But haha i was too nice to believe that u are able to take the stress. Suddenly u forgot everything.. i wanted to know so much what really happen to u... i wanted to help u, but u never open up to me. Or maybe i din shown enough concern. Hai. Tat really bad. i donno. It's like a bomb to me. Although i shouldnt have pin any hopes of u coming back to help me.. Why is the world so unfair to me? I just couldnt bring myself to smile, smile at u and say hey hope u will be fine. I know u are not faking. But pls do get well soon. And dont get stress up so easily.

Anybody can get Esprit/GAP discount? haha

2007-05-13T21:08:00.000+08:00

Although i usually try to comfort ppl by trying to say everything will be fine, I hate it when i was told. But i knew they are all comforting words. They meant to make ppl calm down, meant to make ppl feel better. But somehow it makes me feel even more worse. To me, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. Cos it's my future, my own life. YES, i admit. Things can be fine soon. But why will it be fine in the end? Because we accepted things that we dint wanted to initially. We tried to adapt, to change our perceptions so as to accept. So eventually things turn out fine as we have embraced the cruel truths that hurted us. Inevitably, I have to accept for me to live in peace

I really feel like crying.. Hide in one dark corner and cry all my hearts out. I do not know how to face ppl. I feel like i have lost all my social skills/communication skills. Disheartened, Demoralised, Exhausted, Drained.. I dont have the right mind to think of anything decent. Pls grant me a wish. pls be back soon. pls give me strength to move on.

2007-05-13T16:16:00.001+08:00

i felt like killing myself!
i blamed myself for being such a failure in life
sucks!

2007-05-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

Spiderman 3 is really nice! It's not only abt romance or action. IT'S abt Forgiveness, Friendship, Love - Be it love btw a guy and girl or love btw a father and a daughter... IT's everything nice.
It's hard to forgive and forget. But if u really forgive, forgetting or remembering does that still matters? I have learnt alot from the show. Will want to watch the movie again!

i'm upset. Upset over the imbalance of everything. Fret up over the unfairness of the world. Frustrated over how impatient i can get. Frowned over the insensitveness of others. And ironically, perturbed by the way i'm so affected by other's critical/snide/cynical remarks.
Can you teach me how to be nice? how to react when i'm faced with challenges? how to remain calm when i'm provoked? Please tell me how to be nice.

Serene i have updated my blog! haha

2007-05-03T19:57:00.000+08:00

Everytime before i on my com, while walking on the street, while i'm at my workplace, i have actually "sketch" out some brief ideas of wat i'm going to write here. BUT when it comes to real action, i lost the feeling and momentum. haha!

Yesterday, Serene and i went to school to look for Mr Cheng. We did some talking. We came to a very weird topic/subject for conversation - when you are affected by other people's opinions/comments easily is really a living hell. When u let ur feelings to be affected by them, ur life is controlled by them. Everybody makes comments. If u are going to let them hurt u, i think your life will be really miserable. it makes sense right? haha! AND Counting ur blessings is something which u can make urself more contented. YEah! i will try to count and not complain that the world is unfair.

I feel miserable. Life sucks. I'm living aimlessly, not knowing where my future lies. I should have worked harder. But den i wont give up so easily!
so are you testing my patience?

2007-04-29T21:53:00.000+08:00

i'm really sad and happy now. MIXED feelings
hard to say. BUT anyway wish me luck. oh ya the NUS application is out. Some of us might already know the result. u can check online. :) NTU has start to send letters. Keep track of ur letterbox :)

PS: i still donno my application result yet

2007-04-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

haha!
i love him!

2007-04-27T20:47:00.001+08:00

i'm not feeling well.. will they call me?
PLS!

2007-04-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

The world is changing..It has revolved so fast that i realised i have lost touch with almost everything. Ya almost everything. Many things happened without any signal any alert. I was taken aback. Countless thoughts running through my mind thinking of all the wat if. But it was too late. TOO LATE. Once, i tot things will remain the same for me and for everyone else. But that's not the case. And the sudden changes have impacted me alot alot. Pls, i hope all the changes tat have happened are for the better, not for the worst. I know there are ppl feeling elated with the results. Keep up the spirit.

I hate parting, i hate changes tat are all so sudden and concrete and true. They have hit me hard when i'm unprepared and off my guard. I always tot that being tgt = eternity. Yet it is otherwise. So guess, i wasnt prepared afterall to handle changes.

2007-04-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

do i look like a lion?

hmm ok! i'm a lion queen now! haha

2007-04-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

SMILE!

haha! this photo was wat gen claimed as an

art piece! (taken be her) haha! :X

yeah man!

RANDOM!

SWEET!

haha! crazy stuff we do!

sab and ade!

shit! i just uploaded alot of photos. and suddenly they are gone! hmm yeah! finally uploaded them
ok. something short and sweet. Thanks girls! i love u all!

2007-04-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

AIYA!!! i'm dying!!
i'm having lovesick!! Without his support, i really feel like breaking down! Am i a failure? haha!! Sms-ing u without ur response is like living hell to me! I cant stop thinking of you. Cant stop thinking of wat u will do if u are here.. you are always there to help me solve my problem, share my sorrow, listen to my complaints. AIYA! only two days have gone and i have one more weekend to endure! i think it's really a tortune to me! pls pls let the rest of the days fly and stop at the times when u are back.

dying to hear ur voice. definitely ur presence

2007-04-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

Today is saturday again. I feel so lethargic. Have to wash my clothes, sweep the floor in this hot and humid afternoon.

SMU called to say that i'm shortlisted for the interview of my second choice - business management. I don feel good abt it. Business manangement interview? The scene of a panel of judges with all the rest of the candidates debating and answering the questions the judges posed really freak me out. I can see myself sitting there looking stunned and confused when posed with the questions. ARGH! i just feel so pressurized. And that essay writing is driving me crazy! It's has been a long time since i wrote a decent and complete essay. *even though i have applied to retake my GP, i havent been studying* so I guess i have to pray for miracles to happen. Just hope i will be able to make it through. Although i want accountancy more than business, i still want myself to secure a place in SMU. AT least. hmm. Pls save me!!!

It's nearly 2pm now. and i havent do anything i was obliged to do. URGH! and i have to go for tuition at 5. and that job that i have is really draining me. so sickening! there are ppl there getting 6.50/hr and there i am getting 6/hr instead. Why is the world so unfair? Wat make me even frustrated is i have been doing lots and lots of never-ending works without any acknowledgement. SHIT! i should have just leave the place and wash my hands off everything. And i just look how they are going to manage without me!! But i CANT. i couldnt bring myself to do it. I did bring the matter of ppl having 6.50/hr up to the agency. And there she is bombarding me with reasons that doesnt really make a sense to me. But i remember smth she said. Have to ask ur officer whether are u eligible for it. So am i eligible? i think i am! i did so much works and when i asked my officer abt it, she seemed to be in a difficult position! HEY! why is the bank stingy? EEEK! i really regretted taking up this offer. Ya i know i learnt alot. But i sacrifice alot too. Nothing can be achieve without sacrifice ya. Just hope i will get a reply which i'm satisfied with. I nv try to think of wat will happen if they refuse to give me 6.50/hr. Ok i'm not that desperate for money. *although i'm* haha but u have to be fair right? They are all A level holders and we went in around the same time to work. So why are they eligible for it while i'm not!?!? CONCLUSION: that stupid agency is not doing their job well!

pls i want u back in my life now

2007-04-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

i just have to say - i miss you. I miss ur voice. ya ur presence.. hope u miss me too.

2007-02-10T22:03:00.000+08:00

Today, i cried. i cried like i never cry before.. haha i cried till my legs become weak, cried till my head hurt like hell.. And the reason is i lost almost all the photos inside my com.. all the photos we took during Jc bash, Be yourself day, Farewell assembly.... everything.. SAD!!

i was watching tv just now which was showing the aftermath of the tsunami... All the orphans there do not have their own school and place to live. The kids are restricted and are not allow to play soccer as the building is not theirs and they cannot do wat they want..... They even have to line up in the morning to use the toilet.. i really feel sad for them. Lucky, many Singaporean went forward to lend a helping hand and build a new house for them...

2007-02-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wonder wat u want to be after graduating from university?
haha! Guess wat! i have thought of that long ago! But that doesnt mean i have decided wat i want to be..
This reminds me of the time where my teacher asked me to write an essay entitled My ambition. Sadly, i have forgotten what i wrote. If i nv remember wrongly, my first ambition is to be a TEACHER! The reason is i can use my red pen officially and put a tick/cross on papers and books. It is a dumb reason. Then i wanted to be a Public Relation Manager (PR). I feel it will be fun and enjoyable being a PR manager as you can get to meet different ppl from all over the world. And it wont be as boring as being normal manager! Then i wanted to be Human Resources Manager.. haha! I believe it's important to employ good workers for the company to progress so i want to be a Human resources manager to take charge of all the recruitment/employment interview! However, now i have, again, changed my mind! I want to be an account manager! I LOVE MATHS! so i was thinking of pursuing an accountancy degree. Yet, Doing and managing accounts might be a little boring.......

SO i guess i'm still not ready yet to decide my career.. But everything will have to depend on my results....

haha maybe i will wan to be a hairstylist. hmm WHY NOT?

2007-01-13T16:24:00.000+08:00

2007 has finally come.. i'm old! AHAHAH! it's really sian. NOW, the days i spent working is so dull and boring.. Compared to the times i spent in school, it's really totally different. But i have to admit the working envirnment there is not bad.. Ppl working there are friendly,young,nice and helpful.. but then the job i'm doing is so dull.. Life is so mundane.. typing the same entry.. doing the same things..

i wanted to do so many thing after A..
but now As are over.. i did nothing.. there's still so many things i want to do. now that i have got a work.. i'm still not satisfied. haha! ARGH! i donno wat i want to do either..

learn yoga!
shopping!
do smth to my hair!
go mandai zoo!
go KBOX
buy VCD
learn swmming
go many different places to eat good food
get a better job? haha (i donno lehx)
....

2006-12-16T08:27:00.000+08:00

MILLION, BILLION, ZILLION THANKS to everyone yesterday!!! I love everyone!!! YEAH

Special thanks to GEN
THANKS YOU FOR organising the party, letting ur house be the party place and preparing so many decorations/food. AND YA, keeping it a secret must be really hard on you. hee! i really really thanks you.. you are already so busy.. have to take leave from camp and rush back to camp later in the night.. sorry to trouble you so much. thanks for the surprise party! i enjoyed it super duper much! THANKS girl. I LOVE YOU so much!~!! also thanks ur mummy and daddy and sorry for all the trouble caused to ur house. i mean "physically" to ur house! hee~! thanks

to ADE
THANKS YOU FOR hosting the party, preparing the decor/food and keeping it a secret for so long! haha! thanks.. aiyo i still remember before tat day i call u and u say u are not free the whole afternoon and night.. den i was quite sad! haha! i thought u have forgotten my birthday! thanks dear! love you!. really thanks alot.. YEAH!

to SAB
THANKS YOU FOR preparing the food/decor, coming to the party when u are actually not able to, hosting the party!! hee~! u ahxx.. another naughty bum bum! really know how to zip ur mouth! tat day go out with u on 13th for the interview, u act as if nothing happened.. thanks! Sorry for all the trouble and thanks for making the effort to let paul and me be the last to know.. hee.. THANKS!!! so much!

THIS party is a present to me! THANKS you guys! loVE YOU!

to my classmates!(MJ)
Serene.
WIFEY! You ahx! very naughty.. really know how to beat about the bush.. Ask u this, u tell me yayaya this and that.. haha. so know how to talk.. still help me think of solutions and plans when actually u are in cahoots with them too! haha! i'm decieved totally! too memerisied by ur voice! hee!! THANKS!! thanks for the present too! yeah. love you!

Char.
AIYO, u are also another cute girl. quite surprised that all of you know.. and u actually came down all the way from ur house! thanks dear! hee.. thanks for the present! i love you!!!

JIAMIN!
haha.. u this kiap kiap si jie! so naughty!.. keep touching ur hair! haha.. aiyo still sms me like nothing happen.. so sweet ahs.!! hee.. haha i love you! love the way u are always so whining and cute! hee~! so sorry i always bully you.. but then i din mention i will stop my "bully" act! haha so don think too much! hee. oh ya.. raw opportunity/occasion for our house to be near the event/location! so THANKS!!! love you!

YINNING!!
hee.. sorry.. thanks for coming down to the party when u are already sick.. hee..! THANKS FOR THE PRESENT!!! it's really nice and sweet and just simply gorgeous! hee! love you..! haha u nearly blurt out and i was like huh? wat are u saying.. wat party? haha! such a blur sotong! but then i still love you. hee! thanks dear for the present!!!

YY!
hee.. yy! thanks for coming down! THANKS!! hee and the present is just so nice! i can smell everyone's sweat and can see everyone's handprints.. haha joking!! hee. thanks for making urself free yesterday night! really thanks you!.. love you so much!

Uncle KEN!
aiyo uncle ken.. why are u dressed in purplish pink shirt?! haha and ya ur kiddish handwriting is so prominent.. so next time don ask anyone to guess which is ur doing! haha cos u will be exposed sooner or later. okok maybe i can say ur kiddish handwriting is so unique!! hee
anyway thanks for the present! and thanks for coming down! hee THANKS!!

hee.! realise smth? i deliberately nv thanks serene for coming all the way down! hee! =P!

BAND members!
Fabian
SARAh,
Hui Koo,
ALEX.. and everyone present..
although i donno u well but thanks for being there for paul hee!! oh ya must thanks JUSTICE LOH ZHENG YI too. haha!! i will leave this thanks message solely to paul!

thanks ADRian, EDmund, TANGENt KOo!
hee aiyo.. thanks TANGENT koo for making this party a really hidden secret.. haha.. it must have been really hard on you. i have been bugging you tat hey.. i heard of a surprise party!.. and u are like oh oh oh.. maybe this and maybe that.. and u even mentioned aiya no one will ask u out!! cos everyone will be busy preparing the surprise party but i donno.. den i keep arguing with you.. haha sorry!

LINA
thanks for the ice-cream! but i think i left it at gen's house hee! but still thanks you so much!

THANKS!!!

2006-12-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

prom's over!
prom king and queen are from my class! WOOHOO!.. 05S215(202) rocks! all pretty girls and handsome guys in my class! haha

suddenly prom's over and it happened too suddenly i feel like i got no goals in life! haha
not used to doing nothing..

at least we get to take lots of photo.. hee. URGH i nv take with 456! haha!

2006-11-26T11:06:00.000+08:00

i guess i really need a job desperately!! i need $$! Money is needed to buy heels/to pay for the hotel room/to pay for the make up artist/to pay for all the stuff i want in my shopping list.... and the list goes on and on! I NEED A JOB! URGH!
ALSO, all the prom stuff is driving me nuts! so many matters to settle before prom (which seems so trival) but luckily we are still quite efficient.

2006-11-21T10:11:00.000+08:00

If u are happy within, you will be beautiful.

2006-11-21T09:20:00.000+08:00

wow..
i'm going to be old soon!
ARGH!
i'm still a baby!

2006-08-23T17:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel that i'm a failure..
haha. it's so hard to put them in words..

but then i believe GOD is fair.
he is always fair to everyone.
even if one is disabled, i believe he/she will have special and unique personality/smile/talent..... so no one is left unnoticed.. and ya no one is perfect..

sometimes things dont really go my way.
but then again, life is about learning... learning how to compromise.. how to work in different environment.. how to even do simple things like starting a conversation with others by saying hello.. how to be discerning...
so when things dont go my way? i'm not despair.. i wil learn from the mistakes..

sometimes when relationships turn sour or i'm left with just few friends..
i blame myself.. blame myself for not making good use of the opportunity to maintain relationship.. blame myself for not making the time and effort to stay close with them..
but then again, 1 best friend is better than many acquaintance... i have embraced the fact that i'm not blessed with the capability of handling and maintaining relationship with many friends.. but i'm still blessed.. because i still have best friends.. Friends that i can really count on..

sometimes i just pity..
sympathise those that are so normal.. (so normal that they actually go unnoticed)
but then again, it's not always good to be under the glam light. haha.
sympathise those that are trying hard to attract attention just to make sure that they are noticed..

sometimes i dream..
dream that one day i will be able to cope well under pressure...
dream that one day i will do well and make my parents proud of me...
dream that i'm already in university..

2006-07-16T19:27:00.000+08:00

hmmm went to sebas house yesterday for bbq..
BBQ organised for MANDY!!
hee.. =X
WELCOME BACK!!!

some spastic photos. hee

i looked so ugly!!

FRIES? delicious..? nono.. lots of trans fats..!

hee MANDY!!

smelly..!

so dark... aiyo blame the photographer!!! (my only gen!!!)

SMILE! =)

2006-07-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

my legs ached.... i found out that it might be due to the endless walking on weds thurs fri and today!! ok. am i very weak? i guess i havent been walking such a long distance since school hols. Been trapped at home. haix. watever it is. i wanted to buy a jacket so badly but the price has been making me hestitating.. i'm so fickle. yes i know but i cant help to be mindful of wat to buy.. i have the feeling i will be broke soon! ARGH! terribly broke!

2006-07-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

i miss accgprs...

2006-06-30T13:55:00.000+08:00

my NO 195 entry!!!

hahax
wat a thing to be proud of! so i have been blogging like hell! no? i don think so. ok i'm quite sick of my 1boy-1girl! so dumb la. come to think of it i don think i make a good decision. hahax so not creative!

gosh! left maths paper 2! tat's so good. i'm so not going to do well for chem for sure! haiz! i din expect to do so badly. maybe i'm too over-confident of myself. Thinking tat i'm going to make it.
but now i really doubt so. but nevermind. i have to learn how to accept things when they come unexpectedly... YUP. tat's the way! but aiyo i got like high expectation for my chem........ ok don talk abt it.

hmmm finally felt so carefree after these fews stressful days. IT's like fighting in a battle field. handing in those answers that we have written to see whether they are successful...... LIke see who is the ultimate survivor!!!! EEK
ARGH! irritating shit!
I WANT GO SHOPPING.

2006-06-23T17:40:00.000+08:00

getting ready to sleep.

retro night!

ok i'm acting cute.

my dance group! love them. look wat naomin's doing.!

2006-06-23T17:37:00.000+08:00

i have been grounded.. oh gosh!

2006-06-19T15:33:00.000+08:00

sushi feast! hee

2006-06-19T15:02:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. oh ya. the second week of holiday we have our official last dance practice.. in retrospect, it's really fun and nice to have dance practice. REASON: because of the dancers.!!! i love them. and i know i'll miss them..

it's a two days one night camp. and we have a retro party on the last day of camp.
Here are some of the photos!! ok apparently i looked so ugly in every photo i take!

after the makeup course. aiyo enhance my small eyes and thick lips! hahax

see NAO MIN takes photo still holds chicken wing! SO CUTE!

i found out something useful abt my prom dress tat night. *haha*

don u feel we are in a wrong era? 1950s!

blow bubbles!

oh.. going to grab photo from sarah! *secret* hahx

2006-06-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

At last, i'm able to blog something today..
ok don talk abt not enough things to blog.. why not say there's nothing interesting to blog abt during this holiday.
This holiday is so plain. nothing exciting and different. Everything i do is so mundane.. Maybe except for watching the WORLD CUP. haha. Actuallly i have only myself to blame for not making this holiday any special at all. hmmm but fret not.. at least there's WORLD CUP to keep me going..
Ok studies.. I'm just not progressing fast enough.. i kept wanting to give up. i tried to memorise biology notes again and again but i still cannot get in.!!! ARGH! it's so frustrating!!! and i don have much days left to study! hmmm. ARGH! got to schedule more time for my biology again!

2006-06-04T12:00:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh. tat's a lot of things which i cannot have... ya and i have to depend on myself..
hahax.

am i a good photographer?

hahas.

2006-05-30T19:35:00.000+08:00

today is a bad day. i'm easily moody and affected by the slightest thing today. i donno why but maybe it's because of today's humid weather? whatever it is i just don feel right abt it.

i really feel so compressed haha. it is not physically of cos. but i just feel i'm suffocating and i'm gasping for air desperately.. WHY? can anyone tell me please.

Everyone have their own opinions and whether they want to voice out their views is another problem. Why there's so much problems between the relationship of people? Is it that hard to maintain relationship with someone else? I know that all people are different but is it neccesary true that people always need to voice out their views even if it is to hurt others? Maybe they are not sensitive enough but why are there bad guys in this world? why? If bad guys aren't around, does that mean that heros' virtue can't be exercised?
There are many kinds of people in this world.
Those that are loud
Those that are too pessimistic
Those that are too soft-spoken
Those that are too cynical
Those that are insensitive
Those that are cruel
...
....

2006-05-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

wat a day.

2006-05-23T17:47:00.000+08:00

Life..
On my way to school, i sit at the corner of the bus. I looked out to the window restlessly. At that point of time, everyone on the bus seemed so foreign. No one smiled or said anything. All i could hear was the sound of the Tv mobile and the noise of the old engine. Maybe it was still early in the morning and people felt listless. i guess that the old engine was old because it gave out loud and unpleasant noise when the bus driver tried to turned or stopped.

I rested my chin on my hand and sit quietly at my seat. During the ride, i was constantly looking at my watch, checking and assuring myself that i'm still early. And times pass slowly...

When it was about time to alight, i got up and walked to the exit. i saw a guy (wearing school uniform) still sleeping. And yes he was oblivious. He was sleeping so soundly. "hmmm. might not be MJ student" i said to myself, as i wasnt wearing my specs at that point of time. As i walked down and out of the bus, i was feeling a little uncomfortable for leaving that guy there (and he might be MJcian) So, i looked up and he was awake by then. He looked lost and he was trying to stand up but the bus had already left the bus-stop.

Maybe he might be cursing and saying "i shouldnt have slept. damn it"

Ya what a day for him.
and ya maybe i'm like him,

2006-05-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

Does your name begin with: C
You are a very social individual, and it i s important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, Needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this.. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

DECEMBER
Loyal and generousPatrioticActive in games and interactionsImpatient and hastyAmbitiousInfluential in organizationsLoves to socializeLoves praisesLoves attentionLoves to be lovedHonest and trustworthyNot pretendingShort tempered and egoisticTakes high pride in oneselfHates restrictionsLoves to jokeGood sense of humorLogical

Sagittarius
Turn ons
Sagittarius is ba sically a happy go lucky kind. You can enjoy with their zest and enthusiasm in life. They can bubble with excitement that can be tangible at times. And if you share same interests and hobbies then life can be great fun together. They are frank and straightforward so if you want some truthful opinion about anything or anyone goes to them. Be optimistic as they are and view life as glass half full.
Turn offs
Sagittarius is fiercely independent and cannot tolerate restriction hence do not try to hold them back in life. Let them enjoy their freedom because if you hold any special place in their heart they will always come back for you. Do not feel irritated by the exaggeration in their speech. They may go on and on talking about certain things that may not even interest you but it is their way of trying to communicate with you. They are basically frank and outspoken (to the poi nt of being rude) so do not feel offended by their talks.

hmmm.. sound true? i donno..

2006-04-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

i miss alot of ppl.
miss the ppl in secondary schools.
miss watching gen and paul play and have fun together.
miss how both of them running around with celine and amas..
miss sitting at CP mac and gossiping..
miss how sab and ade talking abt us being so childish..
miss eating with rong rong..
miss dancing with them..
miss dancincg in the dance studio. ya with them....

2006-04-29T16:46:00.000+08:00

hahax. i'm so bored. hmm how come i'm always feeling so bored? aiyo wat a question
to ask. i'm abit irritated by my com. but i'm just lazy and impatient to restart my com. ok i will bear with it.

next week will be a busy week. NO NO, i'm saying every week is a busy week especially when tuesday starts...
Tues- School ends at 1.45 but i have CCA
Wed- CCA day
Thurs- School ends at 4.15 but i have tuition
AND fri there's all three tutorial lessons!
and this cycle carries on every and every week.
i just cant wait for CCA to stop on TUES! so that i can enjoy the early dismissal. Sometimes when thurs is drawing near, i can feel myself becoming more and more tired. AND i will sleep like a pig on sat! This is killing me. i'm dying for CCA to stop! for the J2s to step down!

Next week will be considered a much more busy week with all the tests and NAFA in just four days. Anyway, monday is a rest day just hope i'm prepared. Reason: when tues starts, there's no time for me to slack and waste. Since the block tests, i've not been going out and enjoying. Sometimes, I'm dread going to school. hahax. and i'm going to make use of this sunday to go out!!!

This few days had been emotional to me. i donno why. maybe my tear glands are really that active. i feel that i'm like a tap. when someone just press a button, my tears will immediately flow down. i know that ppl will associate me with childish and inmature thinking. but don i want to change? i want to change DEFINITELY. but i just couldnt. i donno why. i feel like i'm a complete failure. i nv achieve anything good in my life. AND never will i be able to do so. what can i even do when i can't even accomplish a simple thing?

i have to start to learn not to be affected by others so easily. i must not allow others to think that i'm WEAK! i have to stand for myself! I MUST!

2006-04-06T14:22:00.000+08:00

I VERY HAPPY. hahax my 2.4 timing clocked only 14 min 40 seconds. hahax. i'm really happy. maybe it doesnt seem that well in others' perspectives. but for me, given my standard, i think it's miracle. hahax. i nv ever once hit below 15 mins before. and this is the first ever time!! i felt so comforted. i finally achieved something impressive for my 2.4 run. At the beginning, i was struggling to get below 16 mins. i still remember before march holidays, my 2.4 timing was 15 mins and 50 secs.. a drastic improvement! yeah i love it!

aiyo. i guess i grew fatter. hmmm. they went for blood donations and they were given forms to fill up. There was a question asking did u experience unexplained weight loss? HY was like, "huh unexplained weight loss? i think is more of unexpected weight gain!!" hahax. really! aiyo den i stand on the weighing scale to check my weight and i was like "oh my gosh"! i gained weight!!!!! Despite all the dance practices and vigorous PE exercises, i'm still gaining weight. It was really depressing for me. *i nv donate blood. i'm scared!!!

2006-04-04T19:40:00.000+08:00

hello, i'm back. i have alot of things to say. alot alot. i don't think i'm able to write all of them in words. but i just want to relieve my stress.

blogging may seem real and sincere. but to me, i feel that it can actually hide others' ppl feelings instead. WHY? reason: it is a fact that everyone can have access to the blog. So unintentionally, ppl may hide their feelings, afraid that others might misintepret or even comment negatively. As a reason, what's the point of blogging? haa. and here i'm blogging and writing abt what i feel. maybe right now as i'm typing, i'm hidden something.

i don understand why things turn out this way. i feel that i'm not a good person. From what ppl see : i'm easily agitated. i don want ppl to feel this way. i want to change. i want ppl to protect me. i don want ppl to think that i'm fierce and i'm able to protect myself against any harm. AM i being abit demanding? everytime i tell myself, please cindy think before u speak. but i'm just to used to it. maybe being frank is not a good thing. (too frank) one may just turn others off by being too straight-forward. agitated fierce frank........ haix. but i don want to hide my feelings... okok. i have to learn.

ya i agree everyday is a learning process for me. i'm still growing and learning....

the match we watched together was exciting and fun. but am i too far?

complications drained me

2006-04-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

oh gosh, wat a saturday. i guess i'm not doing fine at all. been through so much these few weeks i can feel my heart aching. everything is just so complex. the world is full of paradox and complications. i just don know how to react to unexpected situations. having been through all these i felt numb, completely helpless.

OK. i can say i did well for my BLOCK TEST. but am i happy? NO. why not? i felt so stressed and pressurized instead. maybe i'm too senstive but i can feel others changing the way they looked at me. i'm a MUGGER. a totally devoted student mugging all her way through during March holidays. i donno. Many many incidents had occured that caused me to think that way. Don't comfort me by saying it's coincidence. that is just an excuse for myself.

People come and go. i don believe i so insignificant in every others' life. sometimes i felt so worthless.

one incident
let A B and C be my friends

A : hey, did u do the *?
B : Ya. need to pass up today. C sms-ed me ask me to pass the message to my clique.
(one friend beside them was nodding her head too)
so A decided to ask C

A : C, we need to help in the * today?
C : ya
A : huh i din recieve the message?
C : oh. u all confirmed will do de ma.

-u all- means A and me

OK. what is C trying to say? MEANING i mug. meaning i will do whatever homework that is given to me. Come on. why are there such ppl in the world.? it's so deliberate. and the problem is teacher already said in class that * need to be handed in. So why is that the need to sms others to remind them but not me? IS IT to spike me? Ok i'm already very rational. IF C never sms others, reminding them abt handing in *, i have only myself to blame (for not listening in class).
but the problem lies with the messages sent to others but not me.

whatever.
no matter what i will have to stay calm.

2006-03-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

[URL=http://drawahouse.com/houses/show.asp?houseID=304041&houseHash=435a9c0e52fbcd07c653929c5539fffd][IMG]http://drawahouse.com/houses/2006/3/24/304041_t.gif[/IMG]Click here to view my house[/URL]
my house...
YEAH paradise. ok i admit i'm abit lousy at arts. OK i'm terrible at it. hee

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. son. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be. You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

2006-03-24T15:35:00.000+08:00

finally. why finally? hahax. i'm actually blogging.. suddenly the feeling of blogging and reiterating everything is gone.. maybe i'm just too busy doing my schoolwork, dancing for dancework, watching tv and SHOPPING. It's really tedious to talk abt evrything again when the changes are so sudden. i guess my this blog is full of dust or maybe maggots are crawling all over.. hahax. i really don feel the momentum to write anything.

NOW, i'm slacking.. BLOCK test over so i'm slacking.. i don understand. i have been thinking alot these few months. In retrospect, i feel i'm being too childish and naive. i don recognise the fact that ppl do change and it is hard to maintain and stay together... all these need both parties to accomodate and compromise. and i feel i'm not giving alot. Friends are the one tat really makes me reflect. Evrytime i laugh talk smile joke and behave without thinking.. without realising i might hurt someone during all these times. i'm really sorry. sometimes when i think, i felt tat i'm abit impulsive and rash. but den it's kind of late to say sorry. i know ppl are not so petty. but i don want them to feel that i'm so ignorant and neglecting other ppl's feelings.

during study period i donno how to reply when ppl say did i study?
yes i did
no i didnt
i will say the truth. sometimes i did study but i just feel it's not enough. so of cos, i will wan to study more and say ya i did study but not detailed enough. i really feel tat it's really difficult to say anything when one say he/she didnt really study and he/she scored quite well for the test in the end. So i feel it's alright to say the truth. i think it's better. HAHA!

hmmm. i WANT TO CHANGE!..
change the way i look at things.. change the way i react to changes. change the way i behave..
i think i will have to try HARD.

SO.... if i have offended anyone, i'm so sorry.. sorry my dear friend. i love you.

2006-03-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

ok. i'm bored

2006-02-18T17:35:00.000+08:00

Out of a sudden, i realise i'm very fortunate.
ha. the feeling is so weird and i don really understand.
DANCE works coming..
NEXT sat is our competition....
we are going to win...

been busy this few days or rather these few weeks with dance...
felt so lethargic...

2006-02-17T13:19:00.000+08:00

terribe stomachache is driving me crazy.

2006-01-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

i guess i shouldnt think too much.
hee...
i'm really happy...
happy that i have such great friendssssss................
hee...
feeling so touched.
keke. i love u.

2006-01-02T13:50:00.000+08:00

i guess it's easy to know which friends are the one u can trust..
who are the one who couldnt even care.

it's so obvious now.
who are the one that really cares and bothers..
who will really stand by me...

but whatever it is...
it is hard to say good bye.

i miss him

2005-12-24T11:20:00.000+08:00

i miss him...
u know something.
i felt so lost...
totally and completely.
i'm so afraid of being lonely now..
i don wan to be alone..
when i'm alone i will think of him..
over and over again...

still remember everytime when i could have gone home alone (learning how to be independent), i can just call him......
and he will be there for me..
i don have to trouble other ppl to compromise me..
i hate ppl who think i'm such a pampered baby
i don wan to beg them to accompany me to the bus stop even....
i don wan them to even feel that way either.

they might think i'm already seveteen and wat's there to worry ?
wat's wrong with going home alone.?
ok i just hate it.

it's so clear tat everything is over.
don u get wat i mean.?
we are drifting apart.
u don even care i guess
talking and flirting?
hahax
u don treat others like tat?
watever.

2005-12-24T11:16:00.000+08:00

i felt so unfair...
u can say i'm being biased...
prejudice against anything but i just don feel good now

anyway i don need them..
don need them to make my birthday better
yeah.

2005-11-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

the more i think the more sweet i feel..

when both ade and i started to teach the class ppl dance steps...
everyone was quite cooperative..
but i was rather pissed when many turned up late and stuff.
haix. i want things to be done fast and quick.
like get it done so we can concentrate on like the formation and stuff..
i'm just not tat type of person who will reteach everything so patiently...
i mean i'm just not patient.
but no choice?
anyway things turned out fine and nice in the end...
somestimes i felt so stressed and pressurized...
like why did i even want to accept and have the dance been choreographed..
the day of actual performance are getting closer and we still cant find this and tat....
haix making changes in a rush manner.... so last minute work....
i'm really scare like everything will just go wrong..
so why is it sweet?

it's sweet because..
i can see the way the girls put in their effort to dance the graceful and girly steps
i can feel that they really make a point to come for the dance practice...
i can sense that they tried their best even though they think they will not even try to dance in their whole life...
i can also feel the guys trying to do something for the dance, making decision themselves like working out steps together and discussing wat to wear, how to stand, how to squat in a more organised manner......
it's just so relieved....
and SWEET......
and lastly... they never complained that we always change the steps and songs.......

hee.. ya. the more i think the more sweet i feel

2005-11-28T09:46:00.000+08:00

sometimes..
i felt so lost..
hmmm suddenly don feel like doing anything at all.
yeps.
donno wat's going to happen next.
unprepared for anything.
and it seems forever.

today will be a busy day..
i guess?
so long...
ok i better go and grab my chocolate cake now..!

2005-11-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

i love evryone....
yeah baby.

2005-11-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

i felt useless.
yeah.

2005-10-27T20:00:00.000+08:00

ok.
i'm getting too paranoid.
ok watever she does
i don care k.

2005-10-26T21:04:00.000+08:00

oh man i'm real stressed.
whoever
watever and ok
WHO CARES

2005-10-17T20:07:00.000+08:00

CINDY..
WAKE UP..
you are just so pathetic.
useless..

i felt so disappointed.
do i deserve all these??
all these setbacks i'm facing now..

ok look at my maths.....
LOOK..
i got so damn lousy
ok i'm not trying to say hey. my maths is damn fabulous so damn super pro.
but i don think i deserve that..
i dono wat am i doing lohx.
i felt so miserable.
so useless..
and hopeless.
i mean oh ya it's at least u can promote.
but when everyone is like getting 50 and 60 plus or even A. and here i'm struggling with an E.
is that wat u call fair?
i just donno how to put it in words.
maybe ppl may say oh i'm trying to say my maths is so damn pro and i cant get all these marks.
but wait. it just kind of demoralising.
haix..
and now bio.
i thought ok ahx.
but in the end.
i still cant get A level pass.
becasue of tat stupid 10 marks essay.
convert to percentage is like i'm giving away 17.5% just like tat....

SAVE ME..
i really felt so hopeless....

is like when other ppl copy copy to secure their CA marks.
i donno la.
WHATEVER.

2005-10-15T15:27:00.000+08:00

i think it's just difficult to understand people.

ya like wat paul say..
human are creatures that are hard to comprehend.
u wont be able to predict wat they will do next actually.
Even bestest friends?

i should learn how to tolerate...
how to control my temper...
and how to stop being so suspicious....
and over-sensitive so i wont over-react...
and i better have to stop being so rebellious.
and stop being like a spendthrift when i dont really have tat much money...

i have to make everyone feel that they are "attended" to.
feel that they are not left out.
cos i know that feeling..
cos i understand..
so i wont let that happen to my friends..
i have to make my friends feel lOVED>
YEAH!!!

2005-10-13T15:25:00.000+08:00

ok.
i'm so free today
and lazy.
haix..
better scram....cos i have my guzheng to practise..
but i'm just lazy!
i'm going to fail terribly.!!!!!!!
oh man.
this is not right...........

2005-10-12T16:16:00.000+08:00

yesterday went out.
YEAH
agood time to let out all my frustration...
i went marina SQUARE...
saw quite a nmber of ppl..
hahax
i watch GOAL...
it's was quite good
i mean i already know the plot.
it's just to watch it anyway
hahax
maybe going to watch INTO THE BLUES....
oh i still owe ade 8 plus 6...
but the dance fund owe me 20 plus.. so how?
ok who cares....

p.s. i love you.

2005-10-12T16:06:00.000+08:00

oh man.
i feel so free.
free of dust..
everything!
finally promos over.
YEAH!
let's cheer..
it's party time!!!!!!!
i love it man..
everything so good and wonderful..

let me make a checklist..

SHOPPING LIST..
1. handbag *price a bit ex*
2. Skirt
3. Sunglasses
4. Straw bag. *oh i go check out the price le.. only $12 but don have the colour i like.*
5. JUMPER!! *love it. so cute
6. any top.
7. slippers! *charles keith... i think it's out of stock now. i miss that pair!!!
8. Jacket
9. bag

THAt's all..

WAT-TO-DO LIST
1. SHOPPING
2. LOSE WEIGHT.. *lose fats i mean
3. wait desperately for my hair to grow long...
4. go gym workout. *ok tat's abit unbelievable... and maybe it cant be DONE* muahaha
5. practise my GUZHENG.. *i need to pass!!!!

oh 'im so busy..
schedule so tight.
hee..
my pocket going to burn!!!
oh man!

2005-10-07T20:25:00.000+08:00

i felt so USELESS...
completely utterly helpless...
i donno wat i'm thinking.
i am being so panicky nervous...
my legs even go numb and weak..
FIRST EVER IN MY LIFE...
this will be the toughest obstacles i will ever been through....
i hope.
i felt so overstressed...
over stretched.
over whelmed
it's just too extreme..
i worked hard
but the result does not reflect how hard you work right?
pleae assure me...
i really hope that this blog only allows my entrance..
no one else.
no one.
i felt so depressed..
COMPLETELY given up..
so disappointed with myself.
i cant imagine the time when i'm going to take back the papers..
i cant really think wat am i going to do...
accept the fact?
or run away?
but how far can i run away?
or how long can i run away from reality..?
this cruel and unfair life of mine...
is suffocating..
tortuous...
when i can left this place...
to a better one.?
let me know if u found one..
i felt so terrible.
i want to grow up suddenly.
FAST AND I MEAN NOW..
impossible right?
hahax.
i'm just consoling myself
comforting myself..
let me rest....
IMPRESSIONABLE....
easily influence.
fickle-minded.
when can i learn to be more independent...
learn to make decision.
learn to really...
give me some advices....

LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-30T19:27:00.000+08:00

oh..
i'm back home now..
just now went mugging.
ok wat did i mug.
apparently chem only...
nothing else.
and ya i took a piles of GP notes from ts.
just hope it can help to improve on my GP essay
but i have to see when to study tat thick piles of notes.
oh man!
i realise that my room is becoming more and more messy...
bcause of all the notes and stuffs piling up on my table..
haix..
i donno i can pass my PROMOS NOT!!!!..
so troubled...
am i slacking?
can someone tell me please?
sometimes i think i can do it.
but sometimes i think otherwise...

ohoh! i bought heels...!
muahaha!
getting excited...

2005-09-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

Suddenly felt so guilty..
still remember i always badmouth ppl
always gossip around and the problem is i never find out the other side of the story..
ya never.
i just think my perspectives are correct.
so i can start gossiping around...
and now i finally realised i'm completely wrong.
utterly wrong.
ppl will still have their vulnerable side..
i realise that i'm not the only one suffering me..
why must i agree to others when i don even know wat's going on?
i felt so bad.

it is really not easy to maintain a friendship...
iam thankful for all my friends that helped me....
ESP.. ADELINE GENEVIEVE PAULINA SABRINA....
they helped me.. they pulled me through or i can say pull me out of my darkest moment...
no matter wat happen.they are my friends for life..
THANKS GIRLS...
not forgetting RONGRONG and CELINE and JIAQUN

ya... i have to learn how to forgive and forget..
MUG HARD!

2005-09-26T18:17:00.000+08:00

ok.. i 'm not happy...
i have alot of things to trouble. so please don give me more k..
i'm getting more and more agitated now.
of all the things they said.
why cant they just say the truth.?
why they like to keep it all to themselves?
for wat?
self-defence?
so they can have something different in the final show down?
OH MAN!
this shouldnt be the behaviour of friends right?
i'm rather saturated now.
by all those words said by ppl.
they may be something "oh i never study"
in the next instant they seemed to be answering all the questions asked by teachers...
and apparently they got them all correct..
wat does that goes do show?
they are smart in nature?
i'm just stupid?
i study like hell and i cannot make up wat's the answer for all the questions?
even if i mug real hard i also couldnt catch up with them?
ok. obvious this is not the reason.
THEY DID study.
i knew it at that instant.
They are lying..
a typical lie which i couldnt even see through!!!!!
I AM DAMN STUPID!!!!...
i look like some pathetic girl who does not even know how unfair and cruel this world can be....
Hey look at me...
i have lot so things to handle to think about........
dont come telling me all sorts of lies just to deny the fact that you did study.
it is damn annoying..
Come on la!
it is that difficult to say the truth?
will your mouth rot???
no right?!!!
i cant take it MAN!
i mean i cant say anything if u choose to lie to me.
ok i have to choose to accept it!!!

wat shit!
i cannot take it now
wat if i cant get through the promos?
i'm definitely at the chopping boar.
it is really up to the teachers and principal by that time.
haix.
no other alternative unless they are willing to give me another chance......
right?
maybe i 'm going to drop my PHYSICS...
i think i cant survive that long...
struggling and in the end getting 4E is impossible.. i think......

PPL ARE SO SELFISH...
why?
so self-centred.
and the problem is i still have my GP to handle.
i'm on the VERGE of breaking down......
YA SOON...

2005-09-10T17:44:00.000+08:00

SCREAMING...

yesterday i went shopping..
yeah
i bought a NIKE BAG..
but my mummy said it's for guys...
i'm so sad and i sent PAUL MMS and she say no.
*PHEW..

oh ya i saw Rongrong yesterday..
so long never see her le.
not bad still chat a bit.
hee ((:

ok i need to remind myself constantly.
today i heard something from someone..
one's desires are very strong.
and they might look upon the things they want like the best that they can ever get.
and one has always neglected the other side within them.....
am i confusing?

"wat ppl have i also want to have..."
seems familiar?
maybe tat's me...
maybe tat's you?
but before making decision of wanting wat and buying wat.....
i think i must learn to be myself and not to follow suits...
i don want to be a follower.
don want to be in someone's else shadow.....

Sometimes one desire can be strong enough to make someone go mad.. and use akll possible ways to get the things they want...
even friends...
so that's why we need patience...........

good advice i guess.

smile and move on.. ((:

2005-09-05T15:33:00.000+08:00

monday..
i think i'm having monday blues......
yeah..
had afternoon nap just now..
finally i'm awake...
going to do my
PHYSICS TYS
oscillations
waves
superpositon

must be productive today!
yeah.. all the way!..

*i love bubbles...

it's a fairytale gone wrong....?

2005-09-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

oh my.
count down for promos?
tat's fast.
watever.. arh!!.
today intend to study and revise biological molecules.
just hope i will do it.

Holidays.
it's just so terrible and miserable.
please let me pass the obstacles smoothly..!!!

i felt so insecure.
it is paradoxical to say that i can sense my belonging and insecurity towards people around me.
At one moment, it stunned me to think that i'm just nothing.
I cant do anything. Nothing at all to salvage.
i can feel the rush of adrenaline inside my body.
so strong yet i cant express it all out.
such strange feeling is so hurting.
irritating my tears.. triggering them..
it's just so uncontrollable.

watever i do, i just felt restricted.

BUT i don want to lose anything!!!!..

Wherever you are tonight
I'll see you in my dreams
Wherever I go tomorrow
You'll be here next to me
And though we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far

2005-08-23T19:25:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh.
i feel that my school skirt is going to burst!!!.
tat's real bad...
aiyo. i growing horizontally instead..
so sickening.
and my height...
stagnant.
nothing to argue about. it's the fact..
so. apparently i'm fat.

tomorrow bio SPA. but i still come online.
*so bad*
watever..
hee

know something i know how to cycle.
it's a reason why i should reward myself.
maybe i need to do more exercise... to cut my FATS..
or maybe mine is not fat is water retention. no fear..
muahaha. a nicer way of saying.

oh ya suddenly MJ so strict.
so shocking though.
skirt too short.
hair too long must tie.
cannot wear dangling earrings.
typical secondary school lohx.
the guys even more worse.
"i dont understand why MJ girls like to wear short skirt to reveal their ugly legs.."?
this is terrible.
ok i cant be badmouthing them at least they never tell us straight
maybe i will feel damn embarassed if i am told

anyway promos coming near.
i want to go out!!
aiyo i want spend money.
but horx. ???!!
not much money to spend.
i have been eating alot in school
tat's so stupid.
i must control!!!!!!!!

i want bag and skirt !!!
but aiyo those skirt selling outside seem to be getting shorter and shorter.
kind of not suitable.
hmmm.
my hair looks more worse now. fringe not short not long. aiyo not neat and not nice!!!!. it's always so messy.

anyway.! i need to study bio SPA!

2005-08-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

i'm pissed!... stupid!

wat's going on!?

2005-08-17T18:25:00.000+08:00

just reached home from dance..
realise that there's only like 7 more week before promos. oh my gosh.. tat's horrible!!!!

hahax. and Miss Sue want us to hand in our study plan to let her see ( or say it in a nicer way -- ask some assistance from her )
so stupid.
i have been failing my tests up till now. haix. it's so sickening. i dont understand why!!.. i cant fathom out why this is happening again and again. i really want go out..! NOW!

aiyo. i have been eating lots of stuffs. growing fatter and fatter each passing day. not very healthy i guess.
eat MORE ----> spend MORE $ ----> can buy less things i want....
tat's so related..!
oh well i guess i have to start from scratch to save money again.
*crap

read finished Harry Potter book 3. looking forward for the forth book.
actually i want to eat ice cream...! someone please buy for me one now? ok wat favour i want... obviously chocolate with the ice cream core. tat will be great.. YUMMY..

i'm just tired..
help me and save me before i pass out!!...
ARGH!!!!

2005-08-15T19:56:00.000+08:00

felt quite stressed today..
hahax. cos?

tomorrow -- PHYSICS TEST!!!

tat's real stress man!
aiyo the physics tutorial i din really do lohx. tat's pretty terrible i know...
hee.
*evil laughter*
just hope today everything runs smoothly and i will absorb everything to my maximum capacity.
oh my god. i have to confess i din do my tutorial TYS or even read the lect notes before...
okokok...
i have to better start preparing and leave this temptation away from me.. *com i mean*
the moment i'm close to the com, i can feel something pulling me towards it. muahaha. tat's eerie. attraction maybe..
so i should be out of the way now..
ZOOM!!!!.... -------> bye (^_-)

Oh, Why You Look So Sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
- I'll stand by you

2005-08-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD!!..

i have completed my I and R
and MY GP responses...

Wat a great job.. *wink*
i deserve a pat on my back. mauhaha!!.
ok going to do my CHEM tutorial and assignment...
hmmm.. maybe trying to study a bit of PHYSICS too..

YES!!

- i want ice cream badly now....

2005-08-14T17:25:00.000+08:00

time really fly i guess...
aiyo.. homework doesnt seem to be finishing...!!
oh my gosh..
ok take note:
English GP respone
Chem Assignment
~~Maths Tutorial~~
Preparation for physics test
Memorising of the Skill D for BiO SPA...
I and R (half-way through)

apparently, i have only done one.....
tat's really bad..
but how?
i cant help it.
actually i wanted to go to see the fireworks..
but i couldnt bring myself to leave my house with all the stuffs undone.
i couldnt at this moment.

Finally, i got my blog changed...
YEAH!!!..
Alot of so annoying incidents happened when i was changing my blog the last three times...
LIKE:
i accidentally clicked "clear edits"
the com hang
and ya..! the close window button... i was so close to doing tat. i wanted to stop my finger from clicking on that button afer realising my efforts will gone into drain, however, i was too late.
I am SO DAMN ANNOYED.
Tat's why i din change my blogskin until now.

yesterday met up with Mandy Sab Gen and Lina. (including ade and paul)
a happy and sweet outing indeed.
actually i felt a bit awkward in the beginning.
hmmm. it was quite fun to be entertained by gen and paul. it has been a long time. They were playing so happy and enjoying each other company and somehow it seemed that Lina sab and me werent there at all. hahax.

hee.. i am grinning from ear to ear now.. wonder why?
my daddy is going to cook!!!
muahaha. some mad things will going to happen in the next few hours.... (i guess)

Apparently, i was obsessed with the reading of HARRY POTTER books. i am now reading the third book. YEAH..
i just hope i can have the power to wave a wand on people or even apparate and appear in the place i wan to be now...
*wish*
(*_*)

2005-08-10T15:38:00.000+08:00

The Window ShopperRandom Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf)
Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.
You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come. Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.
Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

2005-07-30T16:42:00.000+08:00

things have gone too wrong now.
They are getting way out of hand.
maybe we should just take a break
maybe we shouldnt let this strain our friendship?

2005-07-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

ok. i'm quite disappointed.
look at other cliques. they are still perfectly fine being together. they STILL longed for one another company.
apparently i don understand why u ever do that.
u changed the blog entry.
it was so damn obvious.
that's why paul got so fret up because u din mentioned us.
and here u are trying to change the blog entry to make it like we are being so unresaonable.
and it is quite funny u will forget to write the 7-letter words.
don tell me jie meis stand for us? i don think so right.
we have the evidence. but u cleared it away.
u know it urself.

u know what?
i donno why the gap between u and us is getting wider and wider.
sometimes we made the effort to sms u but u just din really want to reply at all.
i don understand why maybe i just donno u well or u just think we are not concern abt u AT ALL?
are we really tat bad in ur heart?

once is enough.........
don lie....

2005-07-22T21:47:00.000+08:00

finally i'm back again..
i felt so lost without computer.
it seemed like ages since i online.
i got the result slip today.
i failed.
surprised?
i failed the overall because i din passed my GP..
ok.
i admitted defeat.
nothing more to say.
i cant be that sad.
but it's just unfair.
unfair why i must have that result for my GP.
i cant go around complaining "oh i'm sad. i failed. i cant believe i fail my GP"
hee..
every other ppl will be upset.
and i cant possibly go around grumbling abt my poor results.

sometimes i'm really tired.
tired of everything.
i cant help it.
today..
i'm super duper tired.
exhausted..
dance, schoolwork, PW and everything.

usually i only look forward to the tea session.
hahax.
i can eat drink gossip chit chat and the most importantly get schoolwork off my mind for a while.

i felt my life revolving without me knowing.
and i found it hard to accept it.
i questioned myself over and over again.
reminded myself not to fool around and stay focus.
but i just cant.
the study mood is not there.
i forced myself.

i want to dash into the rain when there is a heavy downpour.
i want it to wash away my troubles.
i want my tears to flow uncontrollably without anyone knowing.
i want it badly.
desperately in need.

i'm always so clumsy.
so careless.
i want to be more careful but it's difficult.
but i will try..

there's once i have difficulty sleeping.
that's serious.
who wil have difficulty sleeping?
sleeping is my only time to close my eyes.
i tossed and turned.
so stupid.
i cant sleep.
i did some thinking...
conclusion:
maybe i'm just too stressed up. hahax.

i don have confidence of doing well in promos.
really. i felt there's an invisible hurdle.
blocking me.
disallowing me to score well. to do well in my promos.
i need to "cyco" myself.
i have to move on and walk out of the shadows.
shadows of the dark and evil.

why there's ppl who is so damn bloody free.?
interfere my life.
anyway who cares abt him.
a liar?
a sweet-talker?
a cheater/conner?
a person without feelings?
i have seen his true colour.
Enough.
and it shall be ENOUGH.
Want to disturb my life?
intrude to my privacy?
think twice k.
DREAM ON.
i advise u not to even think of that let alone sending those "i'm in a plight" messages.
cos it wont help. i wont pity u.
no more.
i repeat NOT AT ALL.

2005-07-05T18:09:00.000+08:00

wat shit..
i should be undergoing depression now..
ya SHOULD BE.
cos, i haven been doing well for my english.
sad to say it's never...
maybe i should just be contented with how i fare but i just cant.
without english, everything is a no-no..
i felt lethargic.
"the more u push me, the harder i will bounce back"
like wat hy always say...
Apparently, i am telling myself repeatedly to work hard and never to give up.

My cousins came to Singapore on Saturday. Both girls were aged 9 and 8 respestively. When they came to my room, they were asking for storybooks...
ENGLISH STORYBOOKS.... The elder girl took the storybook from my hand and start writing and copying the words down on a exercise book. *my unused exercise book* She actually asked for a dictionary to check for meaning... i'm tramatised. It's good to start reading from young. She read the storybook to me and there were only minor error... They were indonesian. and they study in indonesia...

Amazing? i ponder..

Am i that hardworking when i'm young?
i doubt so. i'm just lazy. i regretted it. anyway, it's just over.

Move on...

SOmetimes i felt the urge to come speciallly online just to blog out everything i had in my mind. i dont want to swallow all my troubles and treat it as nothing have ever happened before. i want to talk about what i feel and everything.

but somehow, i cannot form any words...
or
i'm reticent.

felt quite sad that i cant join gen and paul.
heard that they bought alot of stuffs..
hahax. so enjoy and relax.
next time i must make it...hahax

so tired. life goes on..
it will never stop because of me..
i need to be optimistic..
i should stop thinking of buying things..
concentration and focus is essential.

ok maybe i think after school?
*hmmm*

i haven check my physics mcq..
should i check it now?
ok i have checked...
i have at least 6 questions correct for my MCQ...
anyway i am prepared to score F for physics..
i am..

GPP...
need to file up and prepare for EOM...
oh my gosh...
That's fast.. First draft this week...
okok.. next week bio spa..
i have to stay calm..
ok maybe i should stay at coffee bean and slack for one whole day..
and don think of any work... relax first...

Basically, i felt disheartened..
i am asking myself today why should i be in JC..
Why not poly..?
but since i have chosen this path. i cant turn back the time.
aiyo, so demoralising...
ENLIGHTEN ME PLEASE.....

let me see some light.... **** dotx...

2005-06-26T14:13:00.000+08:00

i love friday so much...
although at the beginning it kind of awkward for me..
but after much conversation, everything went off smoothly..
i'm so happy.. elated..
actually i'm lost for words..
hahax. really.. it have been so long since evryone came coming and gathering together so happily.

a-c-c-g-p-r-s....
i luvre them lots..
hahax.
it was a kind of feeling that i haven felt for so long..
sitting at the edge gossiping..
running around playing..
trying to start fire together..
talking abt present.. or even future..
posing for photos...
thinking of funny funny stuffs to play to laugh abt..
i will miss u...
it is really not anything could replace..

and ya other members or other HALCYONIAN... hahax.
they are great too..

smile (=
everyone work hard..
and we shall meet again...
i believe

2005-06-19T16:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday went out with paulina.
went shopping.
She shopped for top while i shopped for bottom.
at least both of us never went home empty-handed.

bought a shorts for $59 and she bought hers for $36 both from TOPSHOP.

yeah happy shopping.

Friday will be 4H gathering at East Coast. YEAH.!!
Miss so many ppl. hope they will be going on Friday.

stop *harassing* me.
Do u know wat is loyalty?
and of cos stay faithful PLEASE.
Stop pinning your hopes on anyone, esp ME.
I don think they will ever come back to u because of ur sweet talkings.
it's just their stupidity, if anyone would ever be touched by wat u said. Plain talkings would not do much help.

hey. i felt that i'm clusmy.
why clusmy?
O N E I N C I D E N T
i was at mac with him.
i went to order food and stuffs.
drink and french fries on the tray. burgers will be sent to me later.
so i took the tray ok *carried* the tray and back to my seat.
and this I N C I D E N T happened.
I lost balance. or i can say is the tray lose its balance.
The upsized coke just fell off the tray.
On hitting the floor, everything split out from the cup.
yeah hard on the floor.
ok. i looked retard.
I felt so useless. Luckily nothing happened to the fries.
i looked at him and on the floor repeatedly.
he threw away the cup and cover and told me it will be polite of me to ask someone to come over to clean it.
i knew its was embarassing.
i went over to the counter remorsefully. *hahax a bit too serious*
Upon hearing, the lady din really got agitated, she gave me a replacement instead.

*sorry*

heehee.
okok.
CLUSMY signing off.

2005-06-18T13:21:00.000+08:00

oopx. left one more week before school reopens....

i'm still so not ready.

yesterday went to do gpp. it was tedious. haix. type and type do and do. at least got do something or meet up. better den nothing?.

ok let's talk abt homework...
hmmm. do we have any homework?
i think is revision work.

B I O L O G Y
biological molecules
enzymes
cell structure and membrane
photosythesis
respiration

oopx. i think i only finish studying biological molecules.. Let alone do any tys...

C H E M I S T R Y
mole concept
redox
gases
atomic structure
chemical bonding I and II
Reactions Kinetics
Organic Chem
Alkanes

ok. i'm confused. Did i even study? oopx this is bad.. *nono*

P H Y S I C S
nothing to say.....
muahaha.

M A T H E M A T I C S
ok... got do a bit tys. but haven read lecture notes!!!.

C L A O..
oh. i still remember there's clao...

hahax

ok. end off revision work.

my hand hurts!! *painful*

2005-06-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

我希望每一个人都幸福快乐
记得我会永远在你左右
谢谢在我身边的每一个人
我会好好珍惜我所拥有的一切

2005-06-12T17:16:00.000+08:00

oh well.
i donno wat to wrute anymore..

blog blog blog..?

wat can i blog?

these few days i can see myself lookng at the notes and staring at them. i seem like i am working real hard. studying revising working and burning midnight oil. however to say the truth, i did not learn anything YET.

ya YET. i am so slow at catching up stuffs.

New photos have been updated. i felt i did not really enjoy myself for so long. Reminising the past..felt so irritated by now.ARGH!!!

i really miss evryone..
Gen's laughing..
Paul's spastic and*cute* gesture with her smile
Celine's singing...
and rongrong too.

ALthough i will see paulina in my school. but we are not in the same class anymore.
Arguements and quarrels sometimes are unavoidable. but we still hold on till now.
just hope evrything runs smoothly for eveyone.
i miss u.
Truly.

2005-06-04T19:55:00.001+08:00

ok. my vocab is limited now. i donno wat to begin.

oh gosh the holidays now do not seem like holidays. ook. i'm confusing myself. ~argh~!!!!!

cant stand it.!

i was thinkin if i have chosen three sub will i be still so stress up? aiyo. watever it is i have chosen this path this combi. probably i will drp my physics la. no point struggling and never get any result out of it.

you reap wat u sow. but i dont in this case.

mid year coming. i need to concentrate now. yeah CONCENTRATE!!

2005-05-26T19:28:00.000+08:00

overwhelmed with lots of stuffs.
wat can i say? or how can i put them into words.?
the most appropriate and suitable words to describe them completely.

just now talked abt stuffs.. felt tat it's just so weird. why do we always longed for something tat no longer existed anymore? why?

why cant we treasure tat moment?

maybe because of some circumstances?
some external factors that are uncontrollable?

it's kind of contradicting though.

05s202...

i think i'm just so helpless. a girl?!? i felt so useless. haix. anything i also cnanot handle well. i'm not even fit to be a good girl. i am so clusmy forgetful adamant wilful. everything bad. my handwriting sucks too. ha. have to accept the fact. cruel fact. but who cares.?

really. words cannot describe my feelings.

jc life. ok i totally agreed to what people say abt jc life---stressed and homeworks just piled up when u don do them for one day. i thought i can handle all this matter. i was wronged. i breakdown completely when i failed my bio test, when i don do well for chem. if i continue like tat, i think my tears will be dried by this year. maybe becuase i set high expectation for myself or maybe i don wan history to repeat itself. whatever it is, it's a fact that jc life is not as easy as u think it is. It is not the norm anymore. normal schooling where never do homework or anything is like nothing. To jc students, although some teachers never scold, but when tests come you can see tat you are actually browsing through lecture notes scanning through them finding main points hoping to get a pass is just "impossible".

Whenever i walked into LT and sit down, routine goes on. i started to copy blindly. i may seem to understand at that moment but i can forget easily too. And physics, the lecture doesnt seem to get into my mind at all. It's just looked as if it will go on forever.

i still remember how i was planning shopping list in sec. school during lessons. how i talk and play in sec. school during lessons. how i was day-dreaming away thinking of where to go after school or even wat to eat during recess.

NOW. it is almost impossible. you cant afford the time.

yeah time is the most crucial factor. 2 years of jc life. i can just tell myself it will just pass easily. but 2 years to cover so many chapters. oh my god.

but haix. always look on the bright side of life.
when there's a will there's a way.
i have choosen this path i have to go on.

yeah with determination!

hahax

2005-05-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

Awesome. Marvellous. Splendid.
The three words to describe how our mjc soccer boys played. I'm really elated! so happy for them.
We are the champion.!!! We won the soccer match.
It's kind of unbelievable. I'm not trying to imply that our soccer boys are not good. but somehow when i know that vjc is the champion for like so may years, i was quite disheartened. However, when i went and watched the match, i never regret. i really could sense the bonding there. Many ppl cheered when the ball was so close to goal. Many got "agitated" when the ball was coming near our court or even when the referee was being "biased" (hahax). Our emotion fell down and up together with the soccer player.

Even if we lose, we lose with glory. i sincerely think so. like wat hy said. 3 years of mj and we can fight and squeeze into finals. i believe our soccer player have potential. hahax.

but vjc soccer players don be disheartened.

heehee.

oopx tomorrow off day! muahaha. so happy. must plan to go gai gai!! oh shit mid year exam coming must plan study schedule.!! hmmm.

i think i got gp-phobia.!! *hahax* haix. din really see any improvement in my gp. haiyo!

NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!

yeah my philosophy.

GO CINDY!!!

2005-05-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

it has been one month since i last blogged. felt so weird. getting stressed up.

busy busy busy. haix wat can i do besides schoolwork?
i donno wat got into me this few weeks.
i really donno why i get so upset over results and stuffs.
izzit because im giving myself too much pressure? or izzit i'm just not cut out to be studying in jc? or even because i am not concentrating well enough?

apparently it seemed like it's all the factor.

haix. i'm going crazy if this goes on. sometimes i felt so helpless. and the chem spa? haix don talk abt it anymore. i have screwed chem spa up!!! it's drastic

and the stupid singing com!!1 tat minus track!!!! ahx i'm going crazy sooner or later!!!!!!!!!!

shit shit shit!!

i need to sleep. sleep all the way.

who knows? or who remember

wat can i still do?

2005-04-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

i will be right here waiting for u.
wat ever it takes....
i will be right here waiting for u.

will u be right here waiting for me?
nice song.
hahax.

school have started. two more years.. ok to be more specific. one year more to the end of jc life. so short yet i felt like i have been running a marathan. never ending. it's so tiring.

but on the contrary, if u are running and facing all the challenges with ur friends will u feel all those? no?

answering my own question. maybe?

or it's just the same?

i don understand. it seem so difficult to read someone's mind. sometimes i just don wan to be known by anyone else. just myself alone. because it hurts me so to see. see wat? i'm not going to talk abt it. i just don wan to explain anything. sometimes i wishes tat my words are heard my feelings are known. but come to think of it, i would rather choose to hide.choose to deceive myself. although i cried and get influenced by others easily, i wan to be optimistic. watever it matters. i just don wan to let known to everyone. i don wan to be called as a gossip lover. not tat all my feelings are abt criticising abt others. it's just tat i dn wan to make the matter so serious. i guess tat's why i choose to hide.

everyone has their troubles and problems. but who will lend their listening ears? i guess i have read too much abt it. i cant fathom out myself let alone blog it. sometimes i just cant find tat particular word to express myself. apparently, i cant find any now.

been pondering. being impassive doesnt mean he/she doesnt care. oh ya. maybe she doesnt care.

it's being quite a long time now. so anyone else here.?

2005-04-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

suddenly overwhelmed with lots of stuffs.

everything around me changes. ppl. environment.?

now, i'm able to control my tears better. better? ya. not more easily. my tears flow down easily. donno why. evrytime when i felt sad, i couldnt help it. i just don want others to see me as "attracting attention,gaining sympathy from others" cos i'm not. and i don wan to be named as a cry baby. i cried. and who knows? friends.? i just couldnt find a perfect one to talk to? nah. just tat i donno wat to say. i don wan to be known as hypocrite liar. i donno how to describe how i'm feeling. although i know friends are around me. however i still have the feeling of being lonely. being lonely with friends? confusing huh? i also got confused and puzzled. wondering why i think tat way. i'm just contradicting myself.

having a boyfriend doesnt mean tat friends are not impt. i just envy those tat has a bestest friend with her. shopping?? outing?? there's always tat bestest friend for u. sometimes i just donno how to express myself well. to let my firneds know how impt they are to me.

if u are able to choose ur friends will u? it's just fated.

2005-04-07T18:43:00.000+08:00

yesterday was teng siang's birthday!! hahax.

hmmm. felt tat i was in need of money. hahax. i donno wat did i spend for. i don seem to have any money left even though i think tat i am thirfty this few days. hahax. but come to think of it, i really did spent lots on food. hahax. eat this and tat. oh my gosh.

i have a long shopping list coming. but have to concentrate on studies. yeah. oh we are going to get pw project title soon. sian-ed! shou bu liao.! so many stuffs piling up! math!! the summation. need to study the notes thoroughly later. okok. no distraction!!..

tomorrow got og outing. no money!! the cost of a movie ticket has been increased to $9.50 now. haix. den my og mates.(freshies) wan to eat pizza hut den watch movie den play pool!! i'm broke now. maybe i will be bankrupt after tat. hahax.

just got to know our class. maybe it's just tentative but more likely should be some where around s202. paul not same class as me. maybe paul u wan try to appeal? don like having tutorial. why don they make tutorial like a consultation lesson those who wan den go. better? oh i'm thinking of ways to slack!. it's quite unbearable to stay in class in such hot days in long period of time! i cant stand it. at least there's aircon in lecture theatre.

i think i'm quite sensitive with odour. i could felt tat some jc students like to spray dedeorant or perfumes. i not saying all. but i can smell the fragrance of perfumes more often in jc. hahax. most probably to refresh themselves?

so long never blog. actually abit lost. hahax. wanted to blog but just don have the time. so end here!!

2005-03-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

i did blog something a few days ago.. but it just couldnt published so i got frustrated.

don feel like blogging anything.

ya.

today making zosma shirt. not bad.
actually wanted to go tpj and sp but in the end never went to sp. cos someone called him when he is in tpj to call to mj for trial at 5pm. i mean bball trial. at least it's a hope and chance for him to get in mj. but he couldnt get in. the position he take is fully occupied by potential, skilled bball players. so there's goes his dream. hahax.. i admited i'm sad abt this. who wont be sad? any way i'll be ok soon. cheer up too.

he is quite reluctaut to go srj, ya cos it's not as good. the percentage is lower den national standard and it's deteriorating from 2002 to now. *hey paul i'm not being biased horx* heehee.. but anyway it's up to him to decide. or maybe i can make some comments abt it? hahax.

ate steamboat on tuesday with gen paul and ade. a fun time. everyone is enjoying themselves. *i hope* hahax. actually we cant really say it's a long time since we get together, but i can still consider that long. we take neoprints again. yeah i like it. oh ya and tat paul and gen took some pic. so pervertic! aiyo.. next time i upload for u to see if u don believe hahax.

saw lisa yayun gavin weiling in mj. stiff competition going on i think. i'm quite relieved tat i have out mj my first choice. if i put mj the second choice maybe i wont get in. and at the beginning i thought many ppl with good grades will leave mj. i mean ya they din put mj first choice. but they still ended up here. those with 9 points,10 or even 11 points who have put tj as their first choice din get in tj. it's kind of saddening to see them back. i not trying to say i can wait to chase them out of mj but they did not get into their desire jc. i feel sad for them. moreover they din do very badly. so there goes to show that first three months really count alot. hmmm.

lisa yayun and weiling is appealing to nyj and tj respectively. hope that they will get in!. heehee..

*smile

tat's unfair

2005-03-17T19:30:00.000+08:00

tat's really ridiculous.. haix haix haix..!!! she can actually write testimonial for others and not for us.. maybe i'm asking too much of something.. but maybe i'm jumping to conclusion but watever it is.. i'm just not happy now..

wat a holiday i'm having.. i still need to go back to school almost everyday.. den wat's the purpose of having this holiday.. it doesnt benefit me at all.. i never get to go out.. the furthest.. hmm ok let me think is only kovan or even u can say white sands... *haix

ok i am tired..

-dead beat.

maybe i am garrulous.. tat's why i'm so tired.. (use my mouth too much) hahax

i'm lost..

2005-03-15T18:28:00.000+08:00

with so many stuffs happening.. i felt i'm lost.. so lost.. lost in the woods? (i hope). it would be better if i'm lost somewhere in the world.. no one will ever found me.. will not find me crying.. it would be better if i'm lost somewhere.. i will be oblivious to everything.. ya everything..

somehow i felt that it would be better if i would just keep quiet and be ignorant to wat is happening around me...

everything just went wrong

went for ogl camp.. although it's like only two days.. but i could feel that i'm cant keep up to wat's happening between my friends.. everything outside.. zosma din do very well for the camp.. actually i am so disheartened.. discouraged.. dismoralised.. nothing much i can do... i being the game ic.. was not any strict AT ALL and i gave them their full marks easily.. i am so gullible... it was so infuriating to find out tat my og mates had a hard time pleasing the game ic for the full marks.. ya and snide remark had been heard.. i think should be coming to us... HATE THEM!!.. maybe i was getting more and more biased towards them.. but who wont get angry when u heard someone saying.. "dont block the way lehx" in chinese.. he should know it himself. wat kind of sportmanship are they displaying? they only know wat winning is all abt.. any integrity in them? i totally doubt so. they had disappointed me. resent. period.

while i was fuming abt all this unfairness, something else came to my mind. i cant really say wat but mulling over the problem will only make me more upset. she could has just told us everything. she couldnt lie to us. could she? actually i thought we were wrong..accusing her of thing which she did not do but i was completely wrong. gen was not tat type lohx.. gleaning secrets from others.. so we thought u were right at first.. but after tat eye-witness incident by gen, i lost all my trust and faith in u? u say u don see a need to bluff us.. so why do u wan to bluff us or i can say bluff her? maybe we should have a talk. u wan?

somehow everything have changed. times past fast. something will change eventually right?

weird..

2005-03-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

suddenly felt weird..
busy..
sick and tired of myself.. haix..

i think i haven been a good game i/c.. i have been giving excuses to myself.. i have been giving others trouble by not doing my part.. haix..

felt so sleepy now.. drowsy..
stupid ppl do stupid thing..? silly ppl have silly actions? haveing ogl camp tomorrow.. just hope everything will be fine.. and everything will goes just fine.. really..

maybe at that point of time i was oblivious to everything.. not knowing i am giving trouble to others but wat i knoe now is.. i am confused.. i felt lethargic

hey boy.. move on.. no point dwelling on something tat is meaningless.. it's kind of infuriating.. i'm not blaming u but somehow i don think we have any connection anymore.. ya not anymore.. it is palpable..

*argh!!! frustrated.. stop being so paranoid.. hao ma!!!!!!*